Junk of the Heart is Junk of My Mind

A kind of world that's inside my head.
Hi, I'm Fida, a 22 years old Indonesian who's soon to be civil servant. I love books like.. so much.

Suatu malam di grup whatsapp organda
  • A: Share materi tkd doong
  • B: bla bla bla (ngasih link download buku sma). Eh kalau yg mahasiswa inggris yg ngasih nama indonesia itu siapa ya?
  • C: itu mah bla bla bla (dijawab serius)
  • D: Kalau mesin ketik yg dipake ngetik naskah proklamasi punya siapa?
  • E: itu dulu aku pernah baca pinjeman dr jepang apa gimana gitu deh
  • F: kalau aku dengernya itu curian apa ya
  • G: Eh kalau sound system nya waktu upacara proklamasi punya siapa?
  • H: itu dipinjemin toko elektronik satria
  • me: .......... (dalam hati: da aing mah apa atuh.. butiran debu gini gatau apa-apa...)
Short trip with the girls: Zoo

Ketemu cewe-cewe ini lagi,  Weweng sama Kengki, setelah gagal buka bareng pas Ramadan kemarin, akhirnya kesampaian niat short escape ke kebun binatang bareng, akhirnya.. akhirnya.. (nasib punya temen super sibuk jadwal seabrek, susah ketemu walaupun satu kota pun.. dan ini si yang satu TER-sibuk sepanjang masa aka judsputri​ ketinggalan karena jadwalnya yang tak bisa diganggu gugat, gue sebagai yang TER-selo cuman manut-manut aja heheheheh)

Sebenernya belom lama ini udah ke kebun binatang juga, sama Arvian, tapi waktu itu pinguinnya belum dateng jadi cuman bisa nontonin kandangnya doang. Nah, yang sekarang udah dateng pinguinnya walaupun kecil-kecil, terus rame di depan kandangnya karena semua orang kesitu pengen liat pinguin juga.. mau liat pinguin yang di Happy Feet gitu padahal sih yang bisa nyanyi.. hahahah *minta ditendang ke Antartika.. Udah gitu nontonin lovebird dengan pasangannya masing-masing yang akan sangat membuat para jombs iri melihatnya.. saking mesranya burung-burung itu..

[That’s a peacock and Weweng. Maap blur gitu maklumin yah kamera hape aku cuman 2 MP :(]

One thing, yang lucu tapi agak gimanaaaa gitu adalah secara tidak sengaja kita ngeliat kura-kura kaw*n meeen, siang-siang, panas-panas dan di tempat terbuka gituu.. mereka mana ngerti sih.. tapi tetep aja……

Terus masuk reptile section dan gemes liat ular-ular lucu kecil warna-warni gitu.. kalo disuruh megang sih entah ya bakalan tetep lucu apa engga tapi beneran itu ulernya lucu-lucu ditaroh di akuarium gitu.

[Ini salah satunya. Imut kan.. mana berendem nya di mangkuk saji gitu..]

Terakhir, nemu burung hantu yang sombong pisan ih sadar kamera gitu dan tiap mau difoto dia nelengin kepalanya biar ga keliatan di kamera. Kita sampe muter ngikutin arah muterin kepalanya dia tapi tetep aja dia melengos. Minta bayaran dulu kali yah baru mau difoto atau sebenernya itu adalah best angle nya dia biar keliatan cantik gitu.. emang cantik sih dia.. dari dulu pengen melihara satu tapiii begitu tau makannya tikus jadi mikir-mikir..

Begitulah, kita muterin kebun binatang sambil ngobrol dan ngobrolin orang dan ketawa-ketawa dan begitulah.. selalu ada aja waktu buat ngobrolin masa depan kalau ketemu sama cewe-cewe ini sih. Cewe-cewe yang udah mau wisuda tapi bingung mau nyari kerjanya, bingung pengen merantau keluar kota tapi tak direstui orang tua.. terus terus terus sampai topik rumah tangga yang konklusinya “kalau pun aku ga sukses kerjanya, aku mau sukses punya suami orang kaya" hahahah every-twenties-and-up-girls’-goal for certain hahahah semoga tercapai segala cita-cita ya mb mb semuanya <3

Short trip yang oke, lebih oke dari yang ke Prambanan beberapa waktu kebelakang hahahah lol. Next destination bukit lor (utara) rumahnya Kengken maybe? Dari jaman kapan tau mau kesitu gajadi-jadi hihihihi

Cheers,

Us. [L to R: Weweng, Kengkeng, me]

JOG.
7 Aug 2014.

PS: Ignore our chubby cheeks, please, thank you.

I see you, but what should I do?

I can’t believe what I saw today. It’s you. You’re back. I see you again finally, something that I wish for such a long time. I see you. And I am happy about it. But, did you see me?

I was so happy I could only stare at you there, walking pass the playground that you and your friends used to go playing, fooling around. I was so happy I could not take my eyes of you. Did you see me staring at you from my window? Did you recognize me?

I’ve grown up and so did you. You are taller and fitter than what I remember you were before. Your hair is longer now than what I remember you as a pixie-cut girl across the street. I see you before and up until now, I still see you with that extra care which I didn’t even know still exist.. after all this time. Do you remember me as I remember you?

I used to be someone who always seen you. I didn’t know how about you. You are younger than me but it didn’t make me see you as a kid. You were the coolest naïve girl I used to know at that time. I remember you paying football with the boys of your age, I remember you climb up the trees in front of your house with that bright smile on your face, I remember you just sit there up on the tallest branches of that tree looking up at the sky and sometimes down to the street. You were that different from the other girl at our street. Were you still the same?

We never talk but I know you know me just like another kid at our street known each other. I wanted to talk you but I couldn’t figure it out how to say hello. All I could manage is just that awkward smile when we met up by coincidence, or my planned coincidence, and then you smiled back. That shy sweet smile of yours making me want to run and hide. Almost all of my friends notice how awkward I became when I near you and they often caught me staring at you, but they didn’t bother it as long as I was with them. I want to talk to you, I want to know the now version of you.

I couldn’t exactly remember when you moved out of town. I just know that you were nowhere to be found and then somebody told me that you moved out. And then I thought I’ll never see you again. I grew up. I let go of the thought of you. I see another girl and another girl again but it didn’t make me forget you. You were the first ever girl that I notice. And now after what happened today, I became aware of your presence around me again. I see you again.

But even after all this time, the awkwardness of being near you didn’t exactly leave me. I am still that socially awkward girl in front of you. If only you know how I feel about you. I am happy I could manage to see you again, I am so so happy about it. I see you, but then what should I do?

Oroville, Washington.
July 2014.

(Source: mbacani)

bibliolectors:

Reading gets in shape the brain / La lectura pone en forma el cerebro (ilustración de Eric Comstock)

bibliolectors:

Reading gets in shape the brain / La lectura pone en forma el cerebro (ilustración de Eric Comstock)

fuckyeahbehindthescenes:

When Jack is preparing to draw Rose, he says to her, “Lie on that bed, uh, I mean couch.” The line was scripted “Lie on that couch”, but Leonardo DiCaprio made an honest mistake and James Cameron liked it so much he kept it in.
Titanic (1997)

fuckyeahbehindthescenes:

When Jack is preparing to draw Rose, he says to her, “Lie on that bed, uh, I mean couch.” The line was scripted “Lie on that couch”, but Leonardo DiCaprio made an honest mistake and James Cameron liked it so much he kept it in.

Titanic (1997)

She is.

She is the youngest of five.
She lost her father in her young age, because of an accident involving a snake.
She lost her opportunity to get higher education after graduating elementary because her mother could not afford it and because she’s a girl, you know how Javanese get being treated back in that time, even after Kartini’s fighting against it. Rich children went to school, the other went to the field.
She grew up okay, she told me.
She lost her first-to-be-daughter and she’s okay with that.
She lost her first born son, about one and a half years old, because of illness, diarrhea. She struggle to bear her broken heart because of it, who expect to loss her/his first child, in her/his cutest moment of life? Nobody.
And then, she had me in less a year after that. Her medicine. I guess that’s why my parents called me “yang” (red: sweetheart) until now.
She had my brother then 4,5 years after I was born. It means more happiness to her.
She lost things and getting it back again in those years I grew up. She’s okay with that.
And then she lost her husband, her center of life, her supporting pillar.. and she’s also okay with that. She doesn’t even think of getting married again, she told me, her mind and time is fully dedicated to me and my brother.

She is a friend of loss and she’s always okay with that. She keeps moving forward, because there is still people who need her around.
She is a friend of loss, but she doesn’t trapped in the feeling of losing, she keeps going.
She walks through many things in her life, good and bad, up and down, and she stays okay.
She is a friend of loss and she is the love of my life.

She is my sun, my moon, my guiding star.
That’s what she is.

Terlupakan
  • A : Selama ini sebagai orang ekstrovert, aku selalu merasa bahwa kesepian itu hal yang menyakitkan. Ternyata aku salah karena kesepian itu sifatnya sangat subjektif. Dan aku baru tahu kalau ada hal yang lebih menyaktikan ketimbang kesepian.
  • B : Apa itu?
  • A : Terlupakan
  • dari sebuah obrolan pagi dengan teman.
Eid

Tahun ketujuh setelah Bapak ga ada.
Sepi. Selalu kangen sama Bapak kalau lagi kumpul-kumpul keluarga, kalau liat orang-orang muterin kampung sekeluarga gitu. Kangen masa-masa di rumah banyak tamu, kangen pergi-pergi sekeluarga ke rumah temen-temennya Bapak. Kangen Bapak sih intinya :”

Tahun kedua setelah Simbah ga ada.
Sepi. Ga ada lagi kumpul-kumpul keluarga besar Mulyo Karso. Ga ada lagi makan ketupat bareng-bareng dan ngumpul sama semua sepupu ponakan segala umur. Kangen rame-ramenya. Kangen Simbah juga yang selalu sayang sama cucu-cucu dan cicit-cicitnya :”

Sesepi apapun tetep bersyukur sih udah dikasih ketemu sama Ramadan dan Idul Fitri lagi. Semoga masih diperkenankan ketemu Ramadan dan Idul Fitri tahun-tahun selanjutnya aamiin. Bersyukur juga masih dikasih Ramadan dan Idul Fitri full di rumah, tahun depan semoga iya juga hihihi bagaimanapun selalu ada yang bisa disyukuri kok kalau mau dan bisa membuka hati dan pikiran.

Well, Eid Mubarak everyone.